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Thursday, August 04, 2005

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 14:23:35 GMT

25 ways to annoy people

Ask to borrow someone's pencil. When they give it to you, break it.
Ask people at random if they've ever drank warm piss.
Put on underwear over a pair of tights and wear a cape. Walk around in public asking of anyone's seen Batman.
Try to hold up a gas station with a squirt gun.
Make up your own language and speak to others in it. Get mad when they can't understand you.
In Walmart, get on a cashier's speaker and page Santa Claus.
Throw things at innocent by-standers.
Order caviar at McDonald's.
Tell Telemarketers that you are watching them sitting in their cubicle. Proceed to tell them what they are wearing.
Push every button on the elevator when it's full. Laugh histerically.
Carry on a conversation with your stallmate in public bathrooms.
"Fall asleep" in odd places (check out lines, barber shops, drive thru, etc.)
Leave notes that say things like, "I know what you did last summer," or, "You'll never get away with it." taped to your neighbor's door.
Sit in the park and laugh at people who walk by you.
Pretend to be deaf and mute when at important business meetings.
Address your boss as "Master."
In a movie theatre, sit in the third row wearing an extremely tall hat.
Ask strangers to marry you. Bring a ring. Sound serious.
Order 15 pizzas and send them to an enemy's house to get back at them.
Tell everyone that you're related to the President.
Stare at cashiers a really long time before you pay them.
Ask your neighbor if you can borrow a butcher knife and a shovel. Act like you're angry.
Run down the street screaming, "It's the end of the world!!!" Make sure everyone can hear you.
Whisper instead of speaking up when there's alot of commotion.
When things are quiet, yell.

Obnoxious things to do at the pool

Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.

Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

Hit strangers with your flutter board.

Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.

Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''

Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''

Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''

Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.

Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.

Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.

When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.

Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.

Hit strangers with your wet towel.

Throw people's things into the pool.

Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.

Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

50 things to do at the mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond.
2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!'
6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...
9. ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'.
10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.'
11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't see it?'
13. Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
14. Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
15. Test mattresses in your pajamas.
16. Ask the tobaccanist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
17. If you're patient, stare intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
18. Sprint up the down escalator.
19. Stare at static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the 'hidden picture'.
20. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
21. Make unusual requests at the Piercing Pagoda.
22. Ask a salesperson in the hardware department how well a particular saw cuts through bone.
23. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
24. Hula dance by the demonstration air conditioner.
25. Ask for red-tinted lenses at the optometrist.
26. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray *them* with your own bottle of Eau de Swane.
27. Rummage through the jelly bean bin at the candy store, insisting that you lost a contact lens.
28. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
29. In the changing rooms, announce in a singsong voice, 'I see London, I see France...'
30. Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and wander around the mall taking two-inch steps.
31. Play the tuba for change.
32. Ask the Hammond organ dealer if he can play 'Jesus Built My Hotrod'.
33. Record belches on electronic sampling keyboards, and perform gastric versions of Jingle Bells for admiring onlookers.
34. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which leading cold remedy will 'give you a really wicked buzz'.
35. Ask the personnel at Pier 1 Imports whether they have 'any giant crap made out of straw'.
36. 'Toast' plastic gag hot dogs in front of the fake fireplace display.
37. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
38. Ask the information desk for a stroller, and someone to push you around in it.
39. Change every TV in the electronics department to a station showing 'Saved by the Bell'. Chant the dialogue in a robotic voice, and scream if anyone tries to switch channels on one of the sets.
40. Hang out in the waterbed section of the furniture department wearing a Navy uniform. Occasionally run around in circles yelling 'scratch one flattop!'
41. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are 'leakproof'.
42. 'Play' the demo modes of video games at the arcade. Make lots of explosion noises.
43. Stand transfixed in front of a mirror bobbing your head up and down.
44. Pay for all your purchases with two-dollar bills to provoke arguments over whether they're real.
45. If it's Christmas, ask the mall Santa to sit on *your* lap.
46. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say 'Domino's.'
47. Try on flea collars at the pet store while occasionally pausing to scratch yourself.
. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your back permed.
49. Show people your driver's license and demand to know 'whether they've seen this man.'
50. Buy a jawbreaker from the candy store. Return fifteen minutes later, fish it out of your mouth, and demand to know why it hasn't turned blue yet.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 23:17:31 GMT

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 00:51:59 GMT

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Monday, January 10, 2005

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:07:45 GMT

All my pokemon brings all the nerds to the yard.

And there like wanna trade some cards.

Darn right Imma trade some cards.

I'll trade you for charizard.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 15:11:17 GMT

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 01:28:31 GMT

42 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS GO CRAZY

1. Follow them around the house everywhere....
2. Moo when they say your name...
3. Run into walls...
4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion...
5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine...
6. Pluck someone's hair out and yell, "DNA"...
7. Wear a sticker that says, "I’m a retard"...
8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time...
9. In public yell, "No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!"...
10. Do what they actually tell you...
11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly...
12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people...
13. At everything they say yell, Liar...
14. Try to swim in the floor...
15. Tap on their door all night...
16.Pretend to have amnesia...
17.Say everything backwards...
18.Give yourself a swirly...
19.Run around with a lamp shade on your head yelling, "the sun!!! it's dying!!!"...
20.Sing at the top of your lungs while running around the house...in your underwear...
21.Have nervous spasms at spontaneous times...
22.Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder...
23.Run in circles...
24.Recite a whole movie 3 times...
25.Pretend to beat yourself up...
26.Slither everywhere...
27.Wear your pants on your head and your shirt on your waist... tell them you're making a fashion statement...
28.Try and drink out of a glass the wrong way...
29.Super glue your finger up your nose...
30.Talk to a pen...
31.Lay face down and chant like an indian tribe...
32.Try and climb the wall...
33.Spread out on the window and buzz, pretending to be a fly...
34.Take your ice cream cone and put it one your forehead... say you're a lovely unicorn...
35.Put pegs on your nose and eyes...
36.Switch the light button on and off for a while. then say, "ooooh... I get it!!!"...
37.Eat your hair...
38.Whatever they are eating, tell them it looks like a certain animal...
39.Eat anything obviously not edible...
40.Say your pet is mocking you and chase it around the house...
41.When you shower or bathe yell, "i'm drowning!!!"...
42.Try to snorkel in your fish tank...

69 THINGS TO DO AT WAL MART

1.) Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2.) Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3.) Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4.)Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.

5.)Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell, ''I need some tampons!!''

6.) Try on bras over top of your clothes.

7.)Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

8.)While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible ''Sex and Candy''

9.)Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.

10.) Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.''

11.) Play with the automatic doors.

12.) Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

13.)While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this shit, anyway?''

14.) Repeat Number 13 in the jewelry department.

15.) Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

16.) Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

17.) Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

18.)As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, ''Wow. Magic!''

19.) Put M&M's on layaway.

20.) Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.

21.) Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

22.) Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

23.) Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

24.)Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, ''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"

25.) TP as much of the store as possible.

26.) Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

27.) Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134)

28.) When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

29.) When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''

30.)Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

31.) Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32.)Take bets on the battle described above.

33.) Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)

34.) While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

35.)While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

36.) Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'

37.) Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

38.) Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

39.) Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

40.) Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store.

41.) Two words: ''Marco Polo.'’

42.) Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

43.) ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics.

44.) In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels.

45.) Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

46.) While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying ''How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.'' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

47.) When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!''

48.)Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

49.) Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.

50.)If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51.) Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie."

52.) Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

53.) When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

54.)Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

55.)Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

56.)Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles.

57.) In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).''

58.) Hold indoor shopping cart races.

59.)Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

60.) When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.

61.) Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

62.) Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

63.)Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

64.) Say things like, ''Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?''

65.) Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''

66.) Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.''

67.) Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

68.) Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into peoples' carts when they aren't paying attention.

69.)Well next time you go to Walmart hope ya have a lil more fun!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Wed, 22 Dec 2004 01:24:47 GMT

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 03:07:10 GMT

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 00:26:46 GMT